(This is the second in a series of three poems I am posting this week - see the first one for explanation of the project.)
i want to start living like a monk
(but i don’t know
how, lost soul that i am)
yet i will set my
heart to the journey within,
filling my haversack
with my doubts and my sin.
i will bring my
heart’s longing as i search anew,
listening and
watching and waiting for You.
i will walk, i will
climb, i will run for You
i will listen, i will search, i will wait for
You.
i will walk
aimlessly, endlessly, lost in my blame,
climbing hills of
reluctance and valleys of shame.
i will listen while
moaning in deepest dark night.
i will watch for Your
radiance in sun’s first light.
i will wait for You
in churches, in temples, in shrines,
i will wait in
prisons, under bridges, in mines.
at last, exhausted, my
soul’s final oblation –
i will mingle my
tears with waters of salvation.
my thoughts i will
burn as incense before You.
my dreams up in ashes
that i might adore You.
i will let go of
color, of desire and beauty
until empty and free of
all that was me.
i will bring You the vessel once called my
heart
that You might fill
it with Your sacred art.
for You are all and i
am none.
my only desire: that
we might be one.
i will be Your poor
monk by Your holy grace
forever and ever may
i gaze on Your face.
amen.
