i want to start living like a monk

(This is the second in a series of three poems I am posting this week - see the first one for explanation of the project.)

i want to start living like a monk

(but i don’t know how, lost soul that i am)

yet i will set my heart to the journey within,

filling my haversack with my doubts and my sin.

i will bring my heart’s longing as i search anew,

listening and watching and waiting for You.

i will walk, i will climb, i will run for You

 i will listen, i will search, i will wait for You.

i will walk aimlessly, endlessly, lost in my blame,

climbing hills of reluctance and valleys of shame.

i will listen while moaning in deepest dark night.

i will watch for Your radiance in sun’s first light.

i will wait for You in churches, in temples, in shrines,

i will wait in prisons, under bridges, in mines.

at last, exhausted, my soul’s final oblation –

i will mingle my tears with waters of salvation.

my thoughts i will burn as incense before You.

my dreams up in ashes that i might adore You.

i will let go of color, of desire and beauty

until empty and free of all that was me.

 i will bring You the vessel once called my heart

that You might fill it with Your sacred art.

for You are all and i am none.

my only desire: that we might be one.

i will be Your poor monk by Your holy grace

forever and ever may i gaze on Your face.

amen.

i am going to start living like an artist

I thought I would share a few poems this week. Not because they are particularly great poems but because I hope that the creative self-expression I found in writing them will be contagious.

I am currently part of an online class through www.abbeyofthearts.com that brings together monasticism and art. (While the class is in its 4th week now and is closed to new members, anyone interested in exploring how to nurture creativity with monastic wisdom might enjoy reading Christine Valters Paintner's book, The Artist's Rule that outlines much of the content for the class.)

The first line of the poem I am presenting today was given as part of an "assignment" in the class. I tend to feel more than a bit pretentious if I label myself as an "artist" because there are many, many people who deserve this title more than I do. However, in recent years, I have been nurturing and expressing my creative self more and that has been a great blessing, emotionally and spiritually.

I believe that all of us have creative capacity, though we may not know it or have the confidence to use it. I might add that this is very different from "talent" - which we tend to associate with creating a product that people will admire or buy. Creative self expression does not need to meet these criteria and often doesn't. Rather it is process we engage in for ourselves...to express, to heal, to grow.

Sometimes the poems (or paintings or songs or stories) we produce surprise even us, as though there were some other force than our own intention at work. And, of course, I believe there is...that's were the monastic/spiritual part comes in, as well as the healing.

(I will share one poem today and two others on separate days later in the week. Each has such a different rhythm that it seemed best to let each stand alone. I invite you to join me - allow yourself to play with words or colors or sounds or any other medium that you feel ready to engage...)

i am going to start living like an artist,

splashing and splashing in color till drenched

in all of the blue the sky can hold

and dripping pink and purple dusk.

i am going to start fingerpainting my life

on endless rolls of vanilla paper

till it tastes like strawberries

and peaches and pears and plums.

but then i might pause…take a breath

and carefully sketch the feathers

of every bird flitting by me today,

etching each shaft and barb into my soul,

that i too might soar in heavens’ light.

 then i will stoop back to my warm earth,

scooping its muddy softness into my hands

where i will hold it and mold it and shape it

until i see within it my heart alive with joy.

and then – then, i will give it all to you,

laughing my soul into yours in wordless delight.

i am starting to live my life as an artist –

yes, i am starting…

New Year's Gifts

Our world has seen an abundance of tragedies in this past year. I have walked with many who have suffered personal tragedy and all of us have learned of our neighbors suffering from devastating storms, senseless mass murders and unrelenting wars. So much evil and pain that it may easily lead us down the path to doubt.

Where is God? If He is loving, why does He not stop these things from happening?

Of course, I do not know the answer. Even if I could lay out my beliefs, I know they would appear inadequate in the face of both personal and global suffering. There simply are no words.

However, I will share with you a quote and then a video. The quote is from Christ The Eternal Tao, by Hieromonk Damascene. As a bit of background, in ancient China (6th century BC), Lao Tzu wrote about a Being "...fathomless, it seems to be the Source of all things. I do not know its name, but characterize it as the Tao". (The word "Tao" is translated as "The Way"). Around the same time, in a completely different culture, Greek philosopher Heraclitus wrote about "The Logos" (translated as "The Word"): "All entities come to be in accordance with this Logos" which he viewed as the first principle of existence.

Five thousand years later, there was One born into our world who said, "I am the Way". Of this same One, John the Apostle wrote: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God". This is the One who is said to have died and risen from the dead.

And so the author writes, in the manner of Lao Tzu:

"The Great Way empties Himself into His creation
Out of love, in complete self-giving.
He empties Himself,
Yet, being the unchanging Cause of all things,
He remains ever full.

Quenching their desire for created things,
Followers of the Way likewise empty themselves
Out of love, in complete self-giving.
For in emptying themselves as He does,
They are ever filled with Him,
The Ever-full."

As one who strives to be "a follower of the Way", I have seen His self-giving around me in so many ways. Most of those ways defy words. However, in the video below, I will share with you a little of what I encountered of Him during this past year... Blessings on your new year.




(I made this video from some of my favorite photos of 2012. As always, you are welcome to share this video and may download any of my photos for your personal or non-profit use.)

Christmas Blessings

  

Christmas, the date on the calendar, may find each of us in very different places: we may be sad and alone or we may be celebrating with family; we may be in church praising God or we may be at home lost in doubt; we may feel full of love and gratitude or we may be overcome with guilt and unworthiness. Each of us is on our own unique journey - and our journeys are often not easy.

 

Christmas, the eternal truth, is with us at every moment. God coming among us, becoming us, self-emptying into humanness, that we might know love and hope and mercy, is here with me and with you. He is here, in the midst of our sadness, doubt and worry as much as he is in the midst of our celebration and joy. He came to share in all of our human experience - no matter how painful.

 

Not only did He come to join us - but also to lead us to our true Home. To welcome us into the Love that is Him. There is much I need to learn in order to follow Him there. I must travel His path, not my own. I need to learn all of those things that my self resists: forgiveness and obedience and humility.

 

Of course, I do not know how to do any of this. But come, let us walk together. Let us pray for each other (even if we do not know how to pray). Let us open ourselves to this possibility, this promise of hope, that is so much beyond our understanding.

 

Wherever you are on your personal journey, know that I as praying with you and for you. I am not praying as one who has arrived or who knows the answers but as one more lost soul is search of true Home. Grace and peace be with you. 

 

 

winter mother

i come to the earth; she comes to me.

at first i judge her empty, barren.

where are her blossoms and seeds?



                           yet she pours out her life for me,

                           swirling and splashing joyfully

                           around the boulders of my discontent.

 

and when i am done complaining

 

(moaning that she is too cold)

 

she warms me with her sparkling smile.

 

                          she dances me through crevices

 

                          and into her palace of ice

 

                          where even shadows shine brilliant white.

 

 

come, she says, come with me.

 

enter the glory of His radiant light.

 

seek, seek the gift of endless giving.

 

 

                          in frozen wonder she teaches me...

 

                          i come to Him, He comes to me.

 

                          lovingly giving in endless praise.

 

 

 

 

I took these photos at Minnehaha Falls in Minneapolis where I am visiting family. It was a place often visited during my childhood and it was exciting to see the Falls almost completely frozen. The poem was written the day after the photos were taken, as part of a "poetry party" conducted by the online Abbey I follow: http://abbeyofthearts.com/.

 

OK, I have one more photo I couldn't fit in... But let it mean this: if you are feeling alone or sad, may this picture be a reminder that we are spiritually connected to each other and therefore not truly alone. More so - our Creator does not leave us alone and has built a bridge to meet us. Christmas greetings coming soon!

 

 

 

(If you wish to see any of the photos in more detail, click on them. As always, you are welcome to download any of my photos or text for personal, nonprofit use.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



A beautiful life

(Below is the text and the photo album that were combined to create the video above. As always, you are welcome to download any photos or text for your personal, nonprofit use.)

                                                      +++

This is the story of a beautiful life.

However, that does not mean that every moment of that life felt beautiful or looked beautiful.

In fact, it began in death. The shell of last year's life remained in the spring, a reminder of the tomb from which its seed came forth. From its inception, this life began a journey that would eventually render it an empty shell as well. But that did not stop it from making the journey.

This life began as a seed buried in the rich soil of last year's decay. It began before human eyes could even see it or know that it was there. But the little life grew and grew until it made itself known, a green stalk with leaves that opened wide to the sun. Its single straight root held it deeply to the earth, ever faithful to the place of its beginning.

As this life grew and grew, it drew other lives to it: insects that fed upon it and worked upon it, both destroying and nurturing its future. And it grew and grew until it proudly held forth its buds to the sun, inviting this great Light to open its tightness into blossoms. And so It did.

Then came the bees. With them came fertile time, a pregnancy of swelling that pushed aside the proud blossoms into withered nothing. And the swelling continued, the life's many wombs bloating forth with unseen treasure.

Finally the days came when its secrets could be held no longer. Cracking, stretching, breaking, painfully and powerfully, its inner magnificence burst forth. Into the wind it sent its seed to spread, into the Light its glory born.

It birthed and it birthed until there was nothing left. Seeds upon seeds it birthed, emptying itself into the Great Life. And its own emptiness it did not mind.

It was indeed a beautiful life...

 

A beautiful life