(This is the second in a series of three poems I am posting this week - see the first one for explanation of the project.)
i want to start living like a monk
(but i don’t know how, lost soul that i am)
yet i will set my heart to the journey within,
filling my haversack with my doubts and my sin.
i will bring my heart’s longing as i search anew,
listening and watching and waiting for You.
i will walk, i will climb, i will run for You
i will listen, i will search, i will wait for You.
i will walk aimlessly, endlessly, lost in my blame,
climbing hills of reluctance and valleys of shame.
i will listen while moaning in deepest dark night.
i will watch for Your radiance in sun’s first light.
i will wait for You in churches, in temples, in shrines,
i will wait in prisons, under bridges, in mines.
at last, exhausted, my soul’s final oblation –
i will mingle my tears with waters of salvation.
my thoughts i will burn as incense before You.
my dreams up in ashes that i might adore You.
i will let go of color, of desire and beauty
until empty and free of all that was me.
i will bring You the vessel once called my heart
that You might fill it with Your sacred art.
for You are all and i am none.
my only desire: that we might be one.
i will be Your poor monk by Your holy grace
forever and ever may i gaze on Your face.